Santa "Scarface" Claus Says, "Say Hello-Ho-Ho to My Little Friend!"


It looks like we've come a long way from the days when kids were told that they'd shoot their eyes out if they got Red Ryder BB guns for Christmas.


"In this country, you gotta make the toys first. When you make the toys, 
you then get the guns. When you get the guns, then you get the power."

From Seattle PI: "An Arizona gun club is offering a chance for children and their families to pose for photos with Santa while holding pistols and military-style rifles. ... Ron Kennedy, general manager of the Scottsdale Gun Club, said the business got the idea for the photo op last year when a club member happened to come in dressed as Santa and other members wanted their picture taken while they were holding their guns. ... Kennedy, whose club offers guns for sale and rental and has a 32-lane indoor shooting range, said the event wasn't aimed at children, but the club supports the right of parents to include their children in the photos and believes that's a personal choice."

This story has been popping up at news sites all over the Internet today. I normally wouldn't post about something like this, but the Christmas photos from the Scottsdale Gun Club that have been circulating because of this story are so gleefully morbid that they belong on a horror-oriented blog like mine. Sure, a violence-prone Santa Claus has been the subject of countless movies, songs, video games, and TV shows such as South Park and Futurama. (Also, don't forget "Raging Rudolph", the classic animated short from Mad TV.) But seeing so many people--toddlers included--eagerly taking pictures of themselves with Santa while proudly brandishing an arsenal of high-powered weaponry just makes my dark, twisted soul shine with holiday cheer.



Looking at these photos, the following thoughts come to mind:
  • Good little boys and girls get automatic weapons from Santa, but bad little boys and girls only get revolvers in their stockings.
  • While the Scottsdale Gun Club Santa Claus photos sound like a novel idea, this isn't the first time that Christmas photos like these have been taken. In 1974, Mrs. Claus received a photo that was a lot like the gun club photos, except that the people in it were wearing ski masks and it came with a ransom note demanding $100 million in unmarked bills and five sacks full of free toys.
  • Fun fact: In 1996, Santa Claus accidentally shot himself in the leg because he forgot to turn the safety on before climbing down a chimney.
  • Giving toys to children is only a part-time gig for Santa. For the other 11 months of the year, he's an international arms dealer.
  • In order to keep up with his Yuletide competitor, the Easter Bunny now hands out festively-painted hand grenades and plastic explosive Peeps.
  • While it's OK to kiss someone under the mistletoe, don't do it when Santa Claus is in the room. Otherwise, he'll want to play a game he calls "William Tell".
  • The Scottsdale Gun Club also wanted to have a life-size Nativity set for their Christmas photos, but baby Jesus kept dropping the semi-automatic AR-15 with attached grenade launcher.
  • Now that he has complete control of the North Pole, Generalissimo Franco Claus plans to install his own junta in the South Pole after he stages a coup against Jack Frost.
  • A holiday tip for kids: To be sure that Santa came to your house, check under the tree on Christmas morning. If you're still not sure, check for empty shell casings and gunshot residue (GSR) around the fire place.
Click below for more pictures of Shotgun Santa and his Merry Christmas Militia, and feel free to make up a few captions of your own.














Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Art of Tron: Uprising (Part 1 of 4): Characters

Image
This month marks the one year anniversary of the cancellation of Tron: Uprising , which aired on Disney XD for 19 episodes. Set between the events of Tron and Tron: Legacy , Uprising chronicled the events shortly after Clu’s rise to power within the stand-alone Grid created by Kevin Flynn. Personally, I think that Tron: Uprising got a raw deal from Disney. It’s a fantastic addition to the Tron saga that went on to win both Emmy and Annie Awards , yet Disney clearly had other priorities and was willing to toss Uprising aside without so much as an official cancellation notice. Even to this day, Uprising has yet to be released on DVD or Blu-ray and I’m wondering if it ever will. In honor of this amazing animated series that was cut down in its prime, I have decided to do something that Disney won’t. Since there will never be an official Tron: Uprising art book, I have searched across the Internet to find a selection of art from Uprising that I can share here on my blog with
Read more

FOUND: Mechanical Shark from Universal Jaws Theme Park Ride

Image
When the Universal Studios Theme Park in Florida shut down its Jaws ride back in January 2012, Jaws fans everywhere were devastated. Yet even though this part of the Jaws franchise is no longer operational, some of its sharks are swimming around out there … including places such as Frederick, Maryland. A few days ago, I was contacted by a fellow Jaws fan named John Ryan, asking me if I knew anything specific regarding the sharks from the Universal Jaws ride. He was asking because he thought he found one and is trying to verify its authenticity. We spoke on the phone and exchanged a few emails, and here’s what he told me about his find: “I've been collecting Jaws memorabilia for decades and when I found this incredibly rare gem sitting in a backyard in Frederick, Maryland, I wondered about its connection to the state. The current homeowners said the shark was already there when they purchased the property. They also told me it had been the subject of neighborhood rumor for y
Read more

Machine Robo's Magnificent Robot Combiners

Image
I don't collect Transformers merchandise, but I see articles and advertisements about it when I browse through Japanese robot toy sites. From what I can gather, one of the latest product lines for Transformers is called "Combiner Wars" , a line that consists of five or six transforming robot toys that combine into one bigger robot. Combiner robot toys have been around for a long time, and Transformers had quite a few of them even back in the '80s. Yet of the many combiner robot toys I've seen over the years, the ones that have consistently impressed me were the ones released by Bandai under the Machine Robo line. Whereas other robot toy lines are stuck in the novelty of combining smaller toys into a bigger toy, Machine Robo has used the concept of combination to promote creative play. Read on for a review of how Machine Robo has built upon its combiner toys throughout the years.
Read more